Warning: If your natural hair colour isn’t brown, red or black –- and you can’t take a joke about your blonde locks — you may want to skip this column altogether.
This holiday season, the newest novelty gift has a high-tech – and politically incorrect – twist. The U.S. creators of the “Keyboard for Blondes” say the $50 talking computer peripheral comes with “proprietary software that adds functionality, fun and trendy new features to traditional keys.”
Examples: the number keys play musical notes; the device says “oops” when the backspace is used; and a cash register sound effect is emitted when the dollar sign is typed.
The most eye-catching aspect of the keyboard – besides its pink colour – is the renaming of many familiar keys. “ESC” has been replaced with “No,” while the space bar bears the words “THE BIG ONE: I need my space.” The row of “F” keys at the top of the key arrangement spell out “useless keys.”
Other highlights: the “Shift” key is dubbed the “smart blonde button,” and several keys, “ALT, CTRL” and the like, are dubbed “useless keys.”
Then there’s the Web site’s Top 10 Reasons to Have One, which include:
7. Matches your lipstick
3. Angelina Jolie is adopting one
2. Better looking than some co-workers
1. Use as barter at gas stations.
According to www.keyboardforblondes.com (where the device can be purchased), “something about it will remind you of Reese Witherspoon’s character (in the Legally Blonde movies), very blonde but very smart.”
Despite this disclaimer, the “Board for Blondes” has drawn widespread fire in the blogosphere.
On shinyshiny,, for example, a poster writes: “The Keyboard for Blondes makes my blood boil.” And on gadgets.boingboing.net, the device is described as “a lame joke made manifest in pink plastic.”
On the other hand, a poster on nydailynews.com wrote: “This keyboard seems to be a lot more friendly than mine!
While I don’t have blond hair, I do like the functionality. Being a metro-sexual, I would not have a problem with a pink board. And, yes, I “need my space,” too.
To be fair, rumour has it that the next keyboard to hit the market will be a red-head one that screams at you when you hit the “return” key.
And since we’ve now potentially offended blondes and red heads, we ask: Why are most blonde jokes one-liners?
Answer: So brunettes can understand them.
